It’s been a little over a week since I set my goal to make $3,000 in a month by writing. So I should be at $750. I am not. I don’t even want to add up what I’m at. The pressure of having such a lofty goal has actually meant that I’m more stressed out, which means I sleep less, which means I’m less productive.

I am making less with this goal then I do when I just work as much as I am able. I need to find some inspiration to write, like going to Circuit City and getting a cute mouse pad or something. I’ve been having problems with my editors and it’s taken a shot at my self esteem. I’ve just totally had a melt down where the fatigue/stress/anxiety is so bad that I can’t really work. I really need to get back on track within the next few days.

I’ll admit that I do feel quite guilty when I mark comments as spam. This has been happening since someone left a spam comment a few years ago saying that spam helps feed the children in Africa & asking me not to delete it. I assumed that the spammer had no concept of how nofollow/dofollow links work & probably wasn’t really sharing any of their website profits with kids. I just want to be fair. However, when I recieved a mass comment this morning telling me that their site is better than mine (it wasn’t), I didn’t feel that guilty.

I rarely take vacations, simply because I can’t get a vacation from fibromyalgia. It just feels like I’m wasting money to just be sick & hardly able to move in another place. Last week I went to southern Utah for a few days, because it was still snowing here. I actually had fun & here is what made the difference:

• I took my own pillow. When Oprah was going through that Texas law suit apparently she took her own bedding so things felt like home. I also had my memory foam mattress pad on top of the hotel bed, because let’s face it, hotel beds are miserable. I ended up sleeping just as well as I did at home.
• The use of white noise. I kept the fan on all night just so I could mask any noise that was around.
• In the past, I have tried to leave my laptop at home because it’s vacation, right? This always means that I never fully relax because I have nightmares of my business crashing around me while I’m gone. Instead, I took the computer & just really limited my time on it, so it eased my mind a lot.

The one thing that I should have done & didn’t was pace myself. There was just a lot to do there & I wanted to take full advantage of my trip. My pain levels were higher than usual & it’s a good thing that I came home when I did because my body was starting to fall apart. Now I need a vacation from my vacation.