Recently I’ve though about starting a new category on my blog entitled “Today I Dread.” With fibromyalgia even little things become impossible. I try to stay positive on this blog and in life so maybe I’ll try to make a list of all the “impossible” things that I’ve done lately.

For instance, my apartment was being inspected which was fine I’m clean by nature. The other part of my nature is always exceeding expectations. The only part of my house that needed help were the water spots on the faucet and the shower walls. It wasn’t a matter of motivation or time. I just couldn’t physically scrub the spots off. I knew if I worked at it too hard I’d be out of commission for several days so I just had to let it go and it was fine. I really need to invest in one of those automatic scrubbing shower things.

I was watching “You’ve Got Mail” the other night & Meg Ryan asked Tom Hanks “How do you sleep at night?” because he was such a jerk. His girlfriend came up behind him & started talking about her over the counter sleep medicine. As a fibromite, I was tempted to look up the medicine.

I’ve tried virtually everything to sleep. No matter what I, or the doctors do, I still wake up twenty times a night. I never get into that deep, restorative sleep. I feel like I mine as well wear Swatch watches to bed so that I can watch the seconds tick away. I was reading a self healing book about fibromyalgia that I won’t mention the title of because most of it was crap.

However, it did suggest to take a melatonin with chamomile tea a half hour before bed time. I have tried chamomile tea before & melatonin before without any results. Together, they seem to make magic (check with your doctor before you try it because I’m not sure that magic is the medical term). The first night I tried it I only woke up once. That seems to be the pattern, I fall asleep right away & then I wake up once & stay awake for a few hours. It’s still a lot better than what I was doing because at least I get some sleep. I don’t know if it’s becoming less effective over time, but any help I can get is appreciated. How do you sleep at night?

One of the worst parts of getting sick so young is that I don’t know what is part of growing up & what is caused by fibromyalgia. I know that grown ups have more responsibility & less time for fun.

I think that I’m a fairly happy person. I’m sarcastic, but happy. It occurred to me the other day that whenever someone says “Come on, it will be fun.” it usually ends up being painful. When I have extra energy it goes towards cleaning house or to try & get term life insurance. Basically just taking care of business. For me, fun is having enough time to nap or listening to really good music. Fun is taking care of my responsibilities. What do you think, does fibromyalgia kill fun or do you just have to redefine the word?