The Loser Detector
When dating, I often think things like, “If I’d only known that he wasn’t in the CIA”, “How was I supposed to know that he was going to end up dating my roommate?”. Yes, common sense would take care of this. I’m pretty sarcastic, I stand up for myself, I’m observant, but still losers slip through occasionally. There are times that friends & family can say, “He’s a loser”, & I just don’t believe them until the guy runs off with my car. (That’s a dramatization, it’s never happened…to me).
This is why I think that irobot should invent “the loser detector”. Half radar detector, half lie detector, the loser detector can expose a loser within 50 feet. The loser detector analyzes body language, speech patterns & general common sense. For instance, if a guy says something like “I didn’t call you because I dropped my cell phone in the toilet”, the loser detector immediately starts to buzz & screech the words “Step away”.
The loser detector then brands the loser with the word “loser” across their forehead in laser, totally harmless mind you, until the male backs away. It makes it virtually impossible to date someone who is sub-par because it’s hard to build a relationship with a yelling, laser branding robot going crazy in the room. This is a second level of defense because I wouldn’t be able to date a loser even if I wanted to.
Obviously there are a lot of technical issues to work out. However, I think that the people at iRobot can handle it. They did come up with the iRobot Roomba robot vacuum after all. They are obviously an inventive & practical company who can think outside of the box. Many a dating disaster will be diverted.
August 13th, 2007 at 9:35 am
They should make a robot to detect faithless tramps as well.
August 17th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
[...] Sooper Dooper SurrogateChild 2000! Get it NOW! 10. iRobot Office: Do You Have A Screw Loose? 11. The Loser Detector 12. I Need an iBrick-Pick-Up 13. Roomba and other such useful robots. 14. Duster [...]
August 18th, 2007 at 12:47 am
[...] Sooper Dooper SurrogateChild 2000! Get it NOW! 10. iRobot Office: Do You Have A Screw Loose? 11. The Loser Detector 12. I Need an [...]
August 18th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
[...] iRobot Office: Do You Have A Screw Loose? 11. The Loser Detector 12. I Need an iBrick-Pick-Up 13. Roomba and other such useful robots. 14. Duster [...]
August 18th, 2007 at 11:49 pm
[...] 9. Sooper Dooper SurrogateChild 2000! Get it NOW! 10. iRobot Office: Do You Have A Screw Loose? 11. The Loser Detector 12. I Need an iBrick-Pick-Up 14. Duster Drone 15. iByot - the multi-tasking next generation house [...]
February 19th, 2009 at 6:44 am
a loser detector that supposedly can tell you how compatible you are with a prospective boyfriend or girlfriend. The Damenzu Walker, which sounds like it’s about as scientifically accurate as those pet translators, is supposed to use an artificial intelligence engine (sure) to make predictions based on information you enter about yourself and the object of your affection.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:24 am
Our own human brain is the best (and cheaper) loser detector we can get for now. The downturn is that most of us aren’t trained enough as to use it efficiently. At least we should listen to our guts. They know better.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Hhhmm..this would be interesting if it’s in real life. They would no more be surprises because the robot will already spoil the event or the person.